“Some say your destiny is tied to the land, as much a part of us as we are of it. Others say that fate is woven like a cloth, so that your destiny intertwines with many others. It’s the one thing we search for, or fight to change” – Brave. Dir. Brenda Chapman (Walt Disney Pictures, 2012)
I remember how excited I was to watch this Disney animation about a young girl fighting against the patriarchal traditions of Medieval Scotland to carve her own path and find her true destiny. I felt I related to her wild aspirations and free spirit, and wanted desperately to see her succeed in her quest. Perhaps it is strange that a grown woman like myself should turn to a children’s film for entertainment or even inspiration, but I don’t see any reason to have a bias about where either of these elements can be found. I will, however, confess my unabashed love for children’s films and books, as I feel that my childhood was filled with too many harsh realities and not enough story-time (Let me qualify that remark by adding that I had a very ‘comfortable’ life by some standards, but that is only a part of the whole picture). I have consequently spent much of my adult life chasing after my dreams, reveling in supernatural mysteries and found adventure in the most seemingly mundane things. Who better to stoke the fires of my spirit than Pixar animation? Given the optimism with which I entered the cinema, I still could not have been prepared for the above mentioned opening monologue of the film. It struck such a powerful chord in me that I had to watch it a second time, just to preserve these poignant words to memory.
To provide some background, I was residing in London at the time this film was released. My purpose for being away from my country of origin was to undertake a rigorous MA program on a subject that had fueled a fire in my country and in my own heart for as long as I could remember: Religion. To be clear, the nature of my relationship with religion has been like a true love affair – ranging from deep devotion to deep distrust, final disassociation, and the inevitable: unanswered questions lingering as uninvited bed fellows for years to come. I tried to find an equilibrium and become an agnostic, but the obsession, or rather the curiosity with this powerful subject arose once again when I felt the need to find some relief from the duress under which I lived in my country (based on my gender, my occupation and my stance on religion, politics and other ‘sensitive’ issues) by going abroad to pursue higher education. Conditions in my country were becoming increasingly volatile and it seemed the right thing to do at the given moment. I was never far-sighted enough to make any long term plans or anticipate how this action would set into motion a chain of events that would change my life permanently. And yet, that is precisely what happened.
I toyed with the idea of building on my creative education and skills during my time abroad, but another, stronger desire took precedence*: I decided I would undertake to study religion -the bane of my existence- as a social scientist. I relished the idea of putting this larger-than-life phenomenon in a box, poking it with a stick and studying it under the proverbial microscope. This would be my rebellion, my revenge and hopefully my victory over this pervasive, invasive, destructive and over-bearing brute that had wreaked havoc in my country. Predictably, such a course of academic study could not be catered to in my own god-fearing, patriarchal homeland. I rode on my ambitions and resolved to face the difficulties that I would undoubtedly have to face in a completely unfamiliar context.
Thus began the journey that led me to leave my country, find my life partner and to rediscover myself in a foreign land. This is an ongoing journey, one that I feel compelled to share; for myself, for those whom it may benefit, and not least of all for those whom it will make uncomfortable. I have been planning to write about my experiences for many months but I could never gain enough perspective to move from a place where I was feeling overwhelmed and isolated to where I was feeling acceptance, surrender and at peace with myself and my surroundings. Many events and people (not to mention the favorable movement of the stars) have made the birth of this blog possible. There will undoubtedly be more about these elements in future posts…